“Life is all about it. Its inevitable but constant. We grow in many ways than one. Physically, mentally, spiritually, & so forth.”
“Looking at yourself from the past & then to the present thus reveals true growth….”
When you look at yourself in the mirror, do you sometimes imagine seeing the person you once were? The person who may have doubted themselves to have ever reached where they are now? The person who thought they would never be able to survive whatever life threw at them?
The pain you felt, the tears you cried, the suffering you endured, was meant to make you not break you.
Throughout all the good & bad times, it contributed to the person you are today. Each moment carried a purpose for you that you may not have understood during its time. Yet, recapping on what happened, how it happened, & why it happened, will have you realizing its purpose for you to never forget thus bringing change to who you are.
You would find yourself acting differently than before such events occurred. Thinking differently perhaps smarter than before. Moving differently perhaps cautiously than before. Hopefully it is for good reasons.
I look back at my past so often just thinking of what I would had became of me if certain things did not happen. Such as not having a mother or father present all my life. Having a loving family by my side to support me through all things I face in life. The things I’ve gone through alone that I felt I would never had been able to get through. People that I’ve met, had relationships with that I thought would last forever. All of those things have contributed to what I have become.
Yet, I mostly imagine the younger version of me. A child that was once full of energy, goofy, a little rambunctious at times but with a smiling heart. One would think such characteristics would carry on during his growth. But no, it did not.
I went from a boy that was always asked “why are you so loud?”, to a young man that is always asked “why are you so quiet?”.
As if I have become antisocial which is not the case. I guess I can say life took its shot at my growth where some things just had to change for the better.
It was not like I was smacked in the face and then turned silent ever since. It was a gradual change in me that happened silently. I did not wake up one day wanting to become a quiet person.
I found myself to be independent throughout almost everything I do. The path of the “lone wolf” one would say. I stand, I fight, I fall, & I get back up all alone. I do not place my wants & needs upon anyone like I used to. Learning to be able to take care of your own self & pursue your desires before putting anyone else above is a must. Your life comes first.
Having been disciplined so much for things I’ve done, you tend to build self discipline within yourself that carries on for the rest of you life. What happened when done wrong as a child is small talk, until you grow of age to where the consequences are at a much severe scale. But with self discipline, you would have an awareness of what should and should not be done to save yourself.
But not only that, have I developed the tendency to keep myself hidden. Remaining silent amongst the shadows & only revealing myself to a call towards my name. My voice is heard when another voice is directed towards me. At first it was a problem for as whenever faced with trouble within, it would stay within & never expressed until a boiling point was reached. A dangerous person would surface into the world during that time.
Yet, as you grow, you learn to maintain, to control, to remain in tranquility. You learn to express yourself in order to free the inner you from the shackles placed to keep you from being happy & purges whatever haunts you inside. You adapt to what has become of you & improve every step of the way. From within those shadow I would hide in, never did I cease to learn more about myself & what there is to know about living the life that you want.
It has indeed been quite an experience with my growth. Both externally & internally. I’ve walked quite a long journey thus far & have become a much greater person than I ever would have imagined myself to be. Even after all the hardships that I thought were meant to break my will & spirit. They only helped me become who I am today.
And there is still a long ways to go to witness what I will become.